Remembering

So...this is all about helping me to remember you see. There are things I once knew- right here- but then I forgot. I thought I had changed. I thought I should change. I thought I needed to be different. I just thought too much. I thought this is what it is like to be an Adult. I thought it wasnt that much fun but it was OK.
But then I got sick. I got really, really ill and couldnt do any of the things I normally did. I certainly didnt enjoy doing anything and even sleeping was hard work. And then one day- while I was still so sick- I saw that I didnt like my life at all. And whats worse- I could not find any will to live. It had vanished. I didnt care if I lived or not, if I ever got better or not. I didnt mind dying. It was all just such hard work and no will to live. No spark! I realised I had lost all the sparks that I once used to have. I was boring and bored. I was stifled. I was all fizzed out. And then in my sick tired head I REMEMBERED! As I was too sick to go to work or shopping or anywhere at all, I had a lot of time to pass. And this is how I remembered what it used to be like! I am talking about a feeling here. A feeling, when you are little, and you wake and immediately it all rushes to you all at once, it takes away all the sleep and hits you awake instantly, the feeling of excitement! and possibilities! and the unexpected! and being busy! and being so alive! Days used to be these exciting things that I never wanted to end and couldnt wait to begin again! Days used to go by way too quickly. There was never enough time and too many things to do! Exciting things! And each of those things mattered and each of them demanded everything from me! And I used to have arms that show things and talk to people and dance and make necklaces out of acorns. And I used to have legs that didnt think twice about doing a cartwheel and skipping and taking me places fast. And I used to have a voice that told long stories and sang and was very very busy- my voice used to have so much to say! What a remembering that was of all those feelings and all those ways! I was very confused in my ill head as to when exactly did I lose it?? What had happened and when? Where once days used to be exciting and sleep a bother, all I wanted to do now was sleep and run away from my own life if I happened to catch myself awake?
And I wondered as I saw all this- can I ever truly get back there?? And I set to find out...