Cared For

When I unpeel another wound
I find
that unpredictability
is the scariest thing
totally throws me
freezes me
paralising...
When my friends and relations
and my lover
wont like what I like
wont do what I do
wont want what I want
Its terrifying!to live like this
one needs to run tight control of the ship
and strike pre-emptively
with force and conviction
lest one be thrown off balance first!

But underneath that
there is more...
Underneath that
it is scary to live
and impossible to trust
anyone.
Because
anyone
can
out of the blue
with no clear reason
or warning
turn and be mean to me.
And this destroys me.
Just like that they can.

Is this true???

No.

People in my life
are kind and loving.

And underneath that
there is more...
Underneath that
it is frightening to move
and I have almost died
because people
dont care about me.
Noone cares about me...

Is this true???

No.

People in my life
care deeply
about me and my needs.

Phew...
I let go some more...