On Sleep

Awake over here
I tire from shaking your shoulder
Its no use
You wont come

Dangerous sleep this one
Not the restoring sleep
a long distance traveller needs
Not the light rest
of a man content
A poisonous sleep
with vivid dreams and fantasies
so alluring you never need to
open your eyes again.

Its no use
You wont come
I stand up
and walk

It is always the same:
What is this place- she asks.
It is whatever you decide- I say.
The question is-
what part of you
is doing the deciding?

The Wait

The Sun came up all orange today
A perfect burning sphere
And my heart was full of love for you
as I watched it through the trees
Feeling clearly that it is easy
to make conviction
and to burn passion
and to nurture seeing eyes.
But you are not a man yet
and I- yet not a woman
and so we wait...

Things as They Are

Keep still my heart
keep every drop of content
that you've gathered

A turquoise pool
in the depths of my chest
clear, still, cool...

We are one between the sheets
but stood there
we go deaf and we go blind

I watch this with no alarm
I can make it many things
and I can leave it blank

And I leave it blank

Breaking the Jug

See here my new beginning
Here is my new world
Taste this candy
Rhubarb and custard
But what is what on the tongue
And what is what to the Heart-
Excitement and fear
Excitement and fear
And this heart burns
I was already held
Drop your fear Heart
Drop your fear Heart
And let me shine
Drop your fear Heart-
See how we shine.

Lake waters and moonlight
Cleansing me, finding the white,
showing the road to the peace inside
It was never night, never night
Always seeing the light

And the noise-
Dont get caught in the noise
All the daisies you sowed
All this garden you toiled
With your own heavy feet
Trampled down, trampled down, trampled down
as your tears flow
You've got to grow- forward
Step out of the noise
Step out of the noise
As the fire dances
I see many faces
There are other travellers on this road
We get weary
We are tender, tender at times
In this sacred place
In an open space
I know- I am already held
And we all learn to burn-
forward

Drop your fear Heart
And let me shine
Drop your fear Heart
-right here and now-
See- we all shine!

To My Brother

Each year now
It sneaks up on me
Through the fabric
of reality
it comes close, so close,
that if I could only reach out
and lift the thin veil of time
there you would be
tall and slim and boyish
grinning and excited.
I may never know
what happened
and where you decided to go
but each year
I treasure this day
when you're right here, facing me
behind that thin veil of time
and I know we are both loved.

Whos Making My Mind Up???

Choose,
you've got to choose- schmooze
notice how every moment of non decision
you're not even alive,
suspended on pause
a lonely character in the woods
soon the moss will invade
all your cavities
soon there will be nests
in your beard
and still you stand
undecided- which path?
Waiting for the film to come to the end
but it just keeps going
someone must have pressed the Repeat button
and still you cant see...
There is noone else
to come. Noone will come.
There is only You.

To Ask or Not to Ask

From my brief personal survey
it seems that opinions vary:
some say
Those who ask dont get, those who dont ask dont need.
some say
Ask and you shall be given
(or for-given)
if enough sincerity
has been conveyed.
some never ask
and insist life is meant to be a struggle-
a true opportunity for all of us
to become totally independent
(one must prioritise contributing
to one's private pension fund
by all means!)

Have it your way
but I've got to say
last month I asked
and I was given,
last week I asked
and I've been given
and last night I asked again-
and promptly it has been delivered!

Struggle if you must
or sink into your heart
and enjoy the ride!

Creating Miracles...

Detect Change

Change you difficult thing-
hard to embrace,
hard to allow,
somethimes hard to notice!
How will you know?
Its when you write to a friend
(and its been a few full moons since the last word)
and a thought crosses your mind-
perhaps they wont recognise me
any more?
Change, you, beauty!
I do love it
when you surprise me.
Go on, surprise me again!

Our Feelings

Our feelings
arent just important historical evidence
like photos that we keep pulling out
to look over again and again,
Our feelings
arent just important part of our experience
like colour that we put on blank canvass
for emphasis
our feelings are all that there is!
Our feelings are everything-
the cause, the presence, the aftermath
of all that we are!
Feelings are not accidental,
complimental, inconsequential!
FEELINGS ARE US!

Beyond the storm of our feelings
there is nothing
and Peace
is the eye of the storm.

Eyes Wide Open

All she did was ask-
so what does that confusion feel like?
that stuckness??

And I felt it, oh, I felt it,
out of thin air
it came all over me
heavy in my stomach,
muddle in my head,
sick black feeling
and total
powerlesness

All she did then was ask-
so who created this experience?

Erm......that would be Me!

It didnt descent upon me as a curse
from OUTSIDE-
no,
I MADE IT!
There and then!
A master creator!
WOW I am GOOD!!!!!!!!!!
It only took about 10 seconds
but I reckon
I'm better than that usually,
much better

So what about ALL those other times

Me, still me...
Found my favourite place to rest in-
confusion!
its cosy there
not much is possible while I'm in there

Jeez, is it time
to have a different experience???
Do I want to?

Oh YES I do.

Eternal

How many of us get to say
"I have ALWAYS wanted you"

And how many of us
know what that means

Sanity of the Humanity

There is a lie
you only get to discover
after a certain age
no one mentions it
you might never know
though brave comedians
occassionally joke about it
how we knew it all at seventeen
and gradually lost it
but always sure to bring themselves
back into line fast
lest their review
condemns them to a
psychiatric examination.
And creative folk-
they might refer to it
but its different for them,
they sort of have claimed
this truth as their own
which is amazing
considering how hard everyone else is lying!
Oh and the other day
I met this psychopath
she really was
A fascinating woman
grandiose as Taj Mahal
or may be Rome itself-
all of it I mean!-
yes, she claimed to know the truth too
though I was weary of her
and her claims
as I couldnt verify any of them
on google
but could clearly verify
her symptoms
A few claim to have found comfort
in the discomfort of truth
without needing to burn it
constantly
into art
lest it burns you
(which is how artists are made)-
psychologists mainly
with letters after their name
and a few book deals
and a quiet standard life mostly-
the spouse, the kids, the dog,
nothing out of ordinary
Some thread the thin safe line
between the lie and the truth
if you can call it threading-
10 hours a day on a mat
and motionless-
staying on a path this narrow
does require one's full attention
constantly
you really cant afford to
take your eyes off it.
The rest of us
muddle on.
The rest of us
struggle on.
The rest of us
get prescription drugs
move countries
take a year out
do a pilgrimage
promptly followed by
a change of faith
or depression
take lovers
leave lovers
all the while plagued
by this dark dark feeling
that something just isnt right
on a big scale
that we can not still be grieving
that push into the puddle
on the way from school
and we start to face this feeling
that someone somewhere lied
about everyone else
like all those amazing minds
got confused there for a while
over gravity
and particles
and we are losing the grip
trying to understand
why our quantum parts
dont just gravitate
in predictable trajectories
down down down
and safe safe safe
and always where we can see them!
And we take an awful long time
to find that truth.
I suppose some never do.
And if we do
we dont really know
what to do with it...
That simple truth
that
THEY
JUST
DONT

And there isnt any more to it.

Caught in Projections

So you insist you've been cruel to me
I hear you well, you really want
to apologise
for being so cruel
forcing this cruelty thing
down my throat
I am honest when I tell you
it said many things to me
(mainly immaturity and anger)
but cruelty was not amongst them

For feeling cruel at times
(just like we all do),
for judging yourself as cruel
at times,
for judging cruelty
and your ability to contain it
there is someone else to talk to.
This isnt mine.
And if you're truly kind
and are looking for forgiveness-
forgive Yourself.
And breathe easy...

Meditation on Fulfilment of Love

This room is light up with
only a chain of fairy lights
and there you sleep
an angel visitor to my life
dreaming your little girl's dreams
as I invite contemplation
and ask What would fulfilment
of love look like in my life?
I listen for an answer
keeping thoughts at bay like
annoying summer flies...
And eventually
with tears comes the answer:
THIS!
This is exactly what it looks like-
me here to kiss your knee
when you fall over,
me next to you when you
try out your new joke,
me here to see you sleep and at peace.
This is true fulfilment of love
and I vow to never sell out again.

Contain This

Each day many times I wonder
Am I really all despair?
Am I really all dreams?
Am I all music,
all peace, all longing?
Am I again all hurt?
Am I all passion,
all commitment,
all vision,
all energy?
Am I all sense and measure?
Am I all abandon?
Am I all nurture,
am I really all just sex?
Am I all love and friendly shoulder?
Am I all learning,
am I all inertia through and through?
Can I be all criticism
and can I be all inspiration today?
After keeping records for a while
I see all these and more I am
fully
one at a time
or combinations
It is still a long way
to integration...
The vastness of a human being
requires an ever expanding
frame of reference. 

Moth
flame
men
burn

Bee
honey
men
nourish

Excite
dont burn
Protect
dont suffocate

Passion
life
safe
together

Taking each step in honesty
No matter how far the mountain top
You smile. It is quiet down here,
not much happens. And so be it.

The Moon is again outside my window
She keeps coming back
And just so my pangs for Love
Keep coming back like the Goddess Moon

Perhaps she belongs in Italy
Being a real volcano
Vicious, powerful and frightening
Though mostly full of hot air!